February Blues

After months of anticipation and waiting, I cannot believe its finally here. I don't know why I always do this to myself, every year its the same ol' thing and yet I act as if its something new and something unbelievable. But its believable and its real. Spring that is, its so real that I can almost taste it. I smell the beautiful lilacs on the horizon, I hear the new born birds, I cruise the town with my windows rolled down and deep in my soul I know that it is finally before me. Yet in the middle of February, caught in what seems like an endless list of blizzards, it seemed hardly like it would come. At that moment my focus was getting home and keeping my body warm. But I longed for the Spring sunshine more than anything. And now its here. Why do I do this to myself?

You know what else I do to myself? I stress myself out unnecessarily. Partly because I get so worried and anxious about things I cannot control, when I should be trusting God instead. Partly because I pack my schedule so tight that I start to complain that I never have time to do anything. Its all really quite funny, or at least I thought it was until two different medical issues within weeks of each other come back with the same report, signifying that stress was taking control of my being and attacking my body.

Only then did I begin to take seriously the Lord's exhortation to not worry, only then did I really start to consider what it means to sit at his feet instead of being bothered about the things that really will end up taking care of itself in the end. But its quite difficult to see that when the list of things that need to get done never ever shrinks down in size but instead continues to grow.

I pray that I learn my lesson this time. I pray that I learn to focus on the most important thing and let the other stuff go for another time. I pray that I learn to trust more, not myself and what I can do in my finite understanding, but that I learn to trust, rely, depend, and wait on God instead.